So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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