It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
