I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
