So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
