glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
