She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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