k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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