Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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