i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had sex on a roof
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
