A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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