so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
