Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
