he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
