My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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