Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
