You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I touched a dick in church today
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
