turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
