1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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