all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
