Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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