The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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