I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
