Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize