I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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