my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
