She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
