And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
