Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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