her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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