K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
