Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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