cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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