I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
