No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
