Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
