We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
