Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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