Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize