I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
