I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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