end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
