are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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