We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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