Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize