so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
