I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
