i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
