i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
