if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
