Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
