Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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