my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
