we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
