Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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