i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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