The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
