A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
