Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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