I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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