You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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