Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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