This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
