There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
