I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
