my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
