I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
