hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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