I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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