NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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