toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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