so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
