I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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