I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
