Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
