You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize