He felt like a one man threesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
