I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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