My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
