life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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