Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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