Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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