His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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