dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
