she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
