i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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