I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
last night I used snow as a chaser
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
