yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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