You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
