Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
