There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
