My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize