Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
