trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
