i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
