your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
