I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
