Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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