I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
