After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He shit in the fireplace
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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